"Douche of the Week": Jeff Goodman at Fox Sports.com.

I worked on my grandparent's farm often as a child. I shoveled pig shit and cow shit. I've stepped in it and got it on my clothing. I even smelled like shit. Jeff Goodman's column on FoxSports.com today is the definitive example of how one can WRITE SHIT and how readers can READ SHIT.

In the grand tradition of douche bag, hack sports writers at FoxSports.com ( Schein, Glazer, Kreigel and Hench ), I present to you, in his coming-out party, Jeff Goodman, senior college basketball columnist. Oh, yeah - Goodman was ANALyzing the Jets OT road victory over the Pats last night and he's a college basketball columnist!

First off, doesn't FoxSports.com have enough drip, NFL writers to cover the NFL that they let a COLLEGE BASKETBALL columnist take a crack at setting back yellow journalism another 100 years? STRIKE ONE.

Let me walk you through what it's like to be a douche bag and spew forth douch bag-like thoughts to paper.

a) Goodman rips on the Patriots' "back ups". STRIKE TWO.

Goodman said, "The Patriots won't use excuses, but I'm going to do it for them." (Oh goody...New England has a wet nurse whose teats are big enough to feed the entire Patriots team!)

Goodman said, "This wasn't exactly the vintage New England Patriots...Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see Tom Brady or Rodney Harrison on the field in New York's 34-31 victory on Thursday night. The Patriots were also missing their star linebacker, Adalius Thomas, who went down with what appeared to be a season-ending forearm injury last week, and starting defensive end Ty Warren, who sat out the loss to the Jets with a groin injury." (But you may see a team of 2nd stringers at your doorstop ready to pummel your head in for not giving them the credit they deserve - playing one heckuva game against the Jets.)

Goodman said, "Sure, Brady's replacement, Matt Cassel, played the game of his life, throwing for a career-high 400 yards and three touchdowns and hitting Randy Moss on a perfect pass with one tick left in regulation to force overtime. But he's still not Brady — and never will be....Now, if it had come against the real New England Patriots, it would have been different. But this Patriots group that took the field on Thursday night — the group that has won half of its games against truly inept teams — is mediocre." (Most teams would take a mediocre team that went into OT, don't you think? I'll contact the NFL today and make sure they note this win was against the mediocre New England Patriots, Goodman.)

Funny, I didn't see this college basketball writer's analysis of the game last year when NE lost to the Jets who were playing without Jets' QB Chad Pennington. I wonder if that loss didn't count either?

Here's another good point BY ME. I don't recall the NE media dismissing credit to the Patriot's back ups during their 6 wins thus far this season (most of which were under Cassel), nor do I recall the NE media stating that this Jets' win was against a seasoned Cassel, not a back up in his first couple starts as the Patriot QB.

One more notable point - by MOI. Would Goodman and the NE media and fans have made this distinction between the "real Patriots" and their counterpart "back ups" if the Patriots had won? I don't think so. They would've said the Jets suck and can't even beat our 2nd team - AND we'll take the win, regardless of who got it.

b) Goodman questions Favre's comment that this is a "top win". STRIKE THREE.

"This one ranks right up there," Favre said. "In the moment it's easy to say, but it may be at the top."

Goodman said, "Are you serious? In an 18-year career filled with more than 40 4th-quarter comebacks, this victory ranks at the top? No chance."

Where does Goodman get off dictating what Brett Favre is feeling at the moment the Jets won? Was Goodman on the field? Did he play in the game? Jets, for one week, are #1 in the AFC East. Hadn't been there since 2001 or so. "In the moment" could mean Favre wants to bitch-slap Goodman, but what does Goodman know?

Three strikes. Out. You're a douche bag, Goodman. Like every other douche bag at FoxSports.com (except of course the commentors on Sunday morning - Howie, Terri...they're exceptional). And anyone - my friends or family, puppy dogs, the mentally challenged or even little newborn babies who take stock in anything this asshole has said above...is a douche bag as well. I don't follow college basketball but if you're observations are anything like they are for the NFL, your department is in serious trouble. My name is Jeff Ircink and if you have would like to debate anything I've said here, email me at irc_64@hotmail.com.

Keep your shit articles to yourself, Goodman. On the other hand, I would love to get an email from a real, live douche bag. Douche bag.