Ode to Christmas...by Chuck Kramer

NPR's been playing this for 20 years. Kramer changes it from time to time to reflect the pop culture of that particular season.

Lord …and Taylor. Anne Taylor. Anne Klein, Calvin Klein, Cuisinart, Wal-Mart, cotton-polyester, budget stretcher, store-wide, half-off, all sales final, simulated wood-grain vinyl. 12 months interest-free, HD, 3D, 4G, Blue-Ray, Bluetooth, LCD, LED, WiFi, hot-spot, buy a Kindle, or a Nook. Nintendo, Guitar Hero, waterproof, oven-proof, shockproof, 90-proof, down the hatch, dollar-a-batch, doesn’t match, helter-skelter, Alka-Seltzer. Amazon, BestBuy, eBay, Abercrombie, shopping zombie, UPS, CVS, JVC, DVD, GE, GI Joe, Axe, Fax, TJ Maxx, Timex, FedEx, AmEx, Gortex, X-Box, Reeboks, Ink-Jet, Polartec, J Crew, Jean Nate, Cachet, Faberge, Gourmet, Old Spice, LL Bean, I-Pad, I-Pod, I-Zod, Egad! Polo, Play-Doh, Lego, Tickle Me Elmo, Casio, Hasbro, Tyco, Tonka, Barbie, Dolby, Duracell, Eveready, rechargeable, returnable, recordable, portable, digital, trivial pursuit. London Fog, Canadian Club, Scotch Tape, Irish Mist, English Leather, Russian Vodka, Stolichnaya, Sterling Silver, Lady Schick, sure-stick, non-stick, Water-Pik, Shreve, Crump, Low watt, crock, pot. Cotton Dockers? Guess. One Day Sale, Buy Two, Three-speed, Four-slice, Saks Fifth Ave, Windows 7, Nine-volt, Ten-speed, 12-cup, Building 19, 1-800, kilo, mega, giga, tera, byte, white sale, infra-red, Walgreens, Black Friday. Black and Decker, Spelling checker, What the heck, Deck the halls with Hitachi, Mitsubishi, Sansui, Fuji, Sony, Seiko, Samsung, Panasonic, instant classic, automatic, anti-static, alkaline, online, nine to nine, Calvin Klein, Anne Klein, Anne & Hope, Anne Taylor, Lord & Taylor. Good Lord. What have we done to Christmas?

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The Territory Ahead and my lost shorts.

I lost a pair of shorts I purchased in Santa Barbara a couple years ago. Maybe it was last year. I have no idea where they could've gone. I had them with me in Miami in May and when I arrived home they had disappeared. I called the hotel in Miami and I didn't leave them there. So where did they go? Truth be told, I've lost or misplaced more shit in the last three years since living in Culver City than I've lost or misplaced the entire 7 years I've lived in a two-story guest house in Bel Air. I'm not saying it's not me - maybe it is. I'm just saying it's odd that I've never lost or misplaced as much as I have since moving to Culver City.

The shorts pictured above are the exact shorts I'm referring to. I picked up a replacement pair at The Territory Ahead, whose corporate office is located in Santa Barbara. $14.95 at TTA outlet store. Sweet.

Check out their website. I'm gonna try and not lose my shorts this time.

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Why purchase from Wintersilks' catalog? Justyna...of course!

My very close high school friend Justyna is a featured model in Wintersilks magazine - has been for years. That's why. :)

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I sold out. Or did I? Buy Amazon here!

You'll notice a permanent banner at the top of this page BUY AMAZON HERE!Whenever you purchase anything from Amazon.com VIA this blog, I make money. Doesn't cost you anything extra. Actually - it'll cost Amazon to pay me. So if you wanna stick it to Corporate America, Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, Tweedle Dee and Dweedle Dum (whoever you want them to be), click on the Amazon banner and buy something.

Capitalism LIVES in America!

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Need someone to sleep with?

If you're single, there are nights when it would be nice to have someone next to you to snuggle with - at the very least. Eureka! Che magazine in Flanders (that's in Belgium) shot an ad campaign toting a "virtual sleeping" partner (see picture below). Though not on the retail market, I kinda like it.

Now, for something completely different (not really) that IS on the market, check out the ladies below.

You can go to this post for more information on the boudoir buddies above - I'm not sure which one I'd prefer (or if there are more choices). I suppose since one normally changes bedsheets, you could purchase both.

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Salmonella Slaps Saintpaul Silly.

Talked to the guys at Quiznos today and their shipments of tomatoes are returning tomorrow. With one big change - the $8.00 box of tomatoes (22 pounds) from the same supplier is now costing them $33.00. A 400%+ increase.

My roommate's last name is "St. Paul". And no, she didn't have salmonella.

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