California as viewed by a couple Irishmen

Twenty Major is an Irish blogger in Dublin. This is a recent post:

“Here, Twenty”, said Dirty Dave, “why exactly do they go on about California being such a great place to live? I mean, it strikes me that it’s a bit shit.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, look at those old forest fires at the moment. Not even Lloyd Cole himself could have forseen forest fires like those. A million people being evacuated, thousands of homes being burnt. It’s not good, is it?”

“It is not.”

“And with so much wealth in California you’d think they’d install some kind of sprinkler system to help when things like this happen. It’s not exactly the first time, is it?”

“True enough.”

“So you have an administration that knows there’s a problem but doesn’t nothing to prevent it. And as we know prevention is better than The Cure. Even Robert Smith would agree with that. Then there’s the earthquakes. That there San Andreas fault is a cunt of a fault. The whole place could fall into the sea any minute. Yet people still want to live there.”

“They are quite rare, in fairness.”

“So are eruptions on Mount St Helens but you wouldn’t find people living on the side of it. Don’t they also have problems with rolling blackouts?”

“I think the things have calmed down since the Rodney King incident”, said Pete.

“No, you jamrag. The electricity goes off all the time, like someone has forgotten to feed the meter.”

“Oh.”

“Then there are celebrities everywhere you look. There’s a celebrity as governor. Arnold fucking Schwarznegger of all people. What the fuck is that about? You can’t turn around with bumping into some blonde actress or wannabe film star. And as we all know these are the most insipid, vapid people on earth. It’s good that they’re all in one place, like some kind of leper colony, but you wouldn’t go live in a leper colony, would you Twenty?”

“No, I don’t suppose I would.”

“The main cities. LA is a smoggy hellhole where you could be drive-by-shooted any minute and San Francisco is no place for anyone who likes to get around by bicycle.”

“It’s a compelling argument.”

“So why would anyone go live in a place on the brink of natural disaster inhabited by cunts?”

“They have some nice weather, I suppose.”

“Oh yeah, forgot about that. That explains everything.”

Twenty Major's blog can be found at: http://twentymajor.net/