Happy Memorial Day.

To all those who've served...thank you.

TGIF! presents...."Rainstorm".

We need it. There was an article in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel yesterday about it. So practice your best indian rain dance or call "The Rainmaker". I'm headed to Galena, IL for Memorial Day weekend...watch it rain like a bitch all weekend. ;)

Separated at Birth? Red Poppy and Faux Red Poppy.

My mom asked me to take a picture of the red poppy blooming in the yard. Apparently it's a rare occurrence, which is why she has some fake poppies in the garden as well. Which one's the faux red poppy?

Antispyware Soft Virus = Cocksucking, motherfucking bastards.

Pissed isn't the word. My computer became infected with this program last week. It pops on suddenly and says you have a virus and then flashes its program on your computer for you to purchase and fix said virus.

It doesn't. Like a dumb ass, I bought the program. I don't normally do that. I have an antivirus program but it failed to ward off this piece of shit virus. Not sure what I was thinking. Perhaps my mind was on fishing or thinking about Brett Favre or how Jane Fonda was reading my award-winning, 10-minute play, "Pass the Salt, Please." (we're shooting the film version of it). Anyway, once you've been infected, this vomitous mass doesn't let you open ANYTHING. NOTHING. Not even the program they're telling you to purchase to get rid of the virus.

$240 to fix. I needed my computer fixed ASAP in order to send out some play submissions and didn't have time to dick around with it myself. Milwaukee PC reloaded Windows and transferred all my data.

Luckily, I got the $50 back these fuckheads stole from me for their non-working program (actually, I cancelled my credit card before the charge went through). Now I'm on a quest to get my $240 reimbursed from Antifuckspypiss Soft Virusshit and I will pursue these assholes like flies on shit. I will write the Better Business Bureau. I've begun sending their support team harassing emails. I will find out where they're located and I will sue them if I have to.

Antispyware Soft Virus. Fuck you. Other than that, everything's working now (knock on wood). SKOL FAVRE! SKOL VIKINGS!

(Oh...Jane Fonda loved my play but passed for personal reasons. We haven't given up yet.)

Separated at Birth? Tilda Swinton and rocker La Roux.

Actress Swinton (top) and English punkish rocker Elly Jackson...or "La Roux". Tell me that blind, dead people wouldn't get these two confused.

Saints' Darren Sharper very un-Saintly. Douche.

Not only does he publicly admit the Saints went after Favre's ankle but he says they'll go after the ankle again if Favre plays (Vikes @ Saints in the first game of the NFL season). My response to Sharper (below). Like he cares what I have to say. No matter. He's a douche.

When was the last time you heard Favre say publicly, "We're gonna throw to Percy all day 'cause the dude covering him has a gimpy foot" or "If I have to throw a block in the game, I hope it's No. 12 'cause he been getting in my face all day - and I'm gonna purposely chop block him and hurt him"?

I've seen this movie 3x in 3 weeks...

Master and Commander (2003), starring Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany. Great action sequences, wonderful dialogue, beautiful cinematography, charming music - just a fine, fine movie. And Max Pirkis (Rome) is absolutely brilliant as a young midshipman. And they're making a sequel.

Haven't seen it? Here's the trailer.

Origami No. 28. "Note to a friend".

"Your recent behavior perplexes me. I am vexed.

In my heart of hearts, I have given you all that I have - the best that I can offer you. You have always given me the same. I deserve your continued full measure of respect. Anything less is a revelation of your true self, which would be against your character and not what I've come to expect from you. I am profoundly disappointed in you.

And yet, I still love you."

- "Note to a friend", May 2010

Listen...for my friend.

(Origami is sort of my catchword for a featured blog post that highlights my original writings - could be an excerpt from one of my plays, a poem, a song, a rant, a rave, a cursing, etc. Origami is the art of folding paper (the word is of Japanese origin). Or, it could be the creative juices of someone else I know - or don't know. So, within the folds of this particular blog feature you may find something really beautiful, meaningful or poignant.)

Who gives a fuck about Ashton Kutcher's grilling prowess?

King of Twitter. King of Punk'd. King of Photography. This is at least the third time he's been on the cover of Parade Magazine. Here are some of the pressing topics he's discussed.

July 30, 2009 - "I'm still looking for trouble".
Aug. 2, 2009 - "I don't play by the rules", and elaborated on how he and Demi are "rock solid".
Feb. 4, 2010 - "I hate Valentine's Day".

I will say that I met Kutcher on the lot of That 70's Show a few years ago and he was very nice.

Milwaukee...City of Festivals.

Looking for something to do this summer? Come to Milwaukee, the City of Festivals. Here's a sampling of what's on tap in the city...festival-style:

Milwaukee Highland Games. Pridefest. Gathering Waters Festival. Locust Street Festival. Polish Fest. Lakefront Festival of the Arts. Summerfest (the biggest music festival in the world). Cedarburg Strawberry Festival. Bastille Days. South Shore Frolics. Festa Italiana. Port Washington Fish Day. WMSE Backyard BBQ. Germanfest. Brady Street Festival. African World Festival. Wisconsin State Fair. Waukesha Bluesfest. Irish Fest. Milwaukee Rally (Harley). Labor Fest. Indian Summer Festival. Great Circus Parade Festival.

Check out this listing and appropriate links.

Hahahahaha. Ha. SKOL FAVRE!

Theoretically, this paves the way for Brett Favre's return to the Minnesota Vikings this NFL season. SKOL FAVRE! SKOL VIKINGS! And a judge ruled that the NFL CAN NOT suspend Kevin and Pat Williams until the two Vikes have exhausted their appeal process. Meaning, there's a good chance they might be able to play the entire 2010-11 season. Read here for more on this story. SKOL WILLIAMS' WALL!

This woman is reading my script.

"Pass the Salt, Please." We're making a short film from my award-winning play. Actually, this woman has already read the script. She liked it. Thought it was very funny. Her son liked it and told her she should do it.

She better.

TGIF! presents...Dion's "The Wanderer"!

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My laptop's being serviced. And I can't blog regularly. At the library. Sucks.

Obama: "Well lookee here! Aunt Zeituni was given asylum. No one told ME this!"

Congratulations Auntie Zeituni! You're on the fast-track to becoming an American!

President Barack Obama's aunt, Zeituni Onyango, originally applied for asylum in 2002 "due to violence in Kenya." Her request was denied in 2004 and she was ordered to leave the country. She didn't. In April 2009, Judge Leonard Shapiro in Boston stayed her case until February, when hearings were held in the case. He just ruled that Onyango qualifies for asylum - and eventual American citizenship.

Did anyone think the outcome would be different? Using the asylum argument, any citizen from Mexico (I'm using Mexico as the vast majority of illegal aliens in the U.S. are from Mexico and South America) could seek asylum because of the violence and illegal drug cartel activity in Mexico.

Judge Shapiro said the Obama administration had nothing to do with the hearing. Matter of fact, it was reported that the White House wasn't even told of the judge's ruling. OK.

This country is fucked up.

Arizona immigration bill: So what's the big deal?

The BBC's "Merlin" has me be-fuddled.

The Sci-Fi Channel picked up this series and I'm a huge fan of the Arthurian Legend. I watched a few minutes of it last night. Couldn't understand one fucking thing actor Colin Morgan was saying (he plays Merlin). Drove me absolutely batty. Everything I've perused on YouTube shows him enunciating clearly so perhaps this was an isolated incident.

The other thing - and I'm sorry to be superficial - but what is it with this guy's ears? I mean...they're fucking huge. And they're HIS. Hey - I'm an actor and have my own imperfections, but his ears draw my attention away from the character. Just my observation.

Another observation...the the actress playing Morgana - Katie McGrath. Talk about luck. She was an assistant wardrobe something or another on "The Tudors" and someone suggested she should look into acting. Now she - is bewitching.

Rainbow Flowage or a beach in Cape Cod?

The Rainbow Flowage (where we fish) is one of a number of flowages - the Wisconsin River runs through it - controlled by a series of dams operated by the Wisconsin Valley Improvement Company. Independently owned - not state run. WVIC sucks shit. It claims the reason the flowage is down (14 feet, the lowest I've ever seen it) is because of the need for water and some city will need water for its kayak races this summer and blah, blah, fuckity blah. It's all bullshit. Same old story for the last 5 years. Ask my brother - he'll give you the lowdown.

Bruce and I saw this uprooted tree on shore across the flowage from our camp and took a look. When the flowage is where it's supposed to be, there's very little beach anywhere. Now - there's very little water anywhere.

Vintage Lake Tomahawk.

Lake Tomahawk, Wisconsin...back in the day. 'Bout 40 minutes south of the Upper Peninsula (UP) of Michigan. North of Tomahawk and east of Minocqua. Or thereabouts. Surrounding communities include St. Germain, Woodruff and Lac du Flambeau.

Don't go to the Lake Tomahawk Village Cafe for pancakes. They taste like shit.

No walleye...but some big bass.

Bruce got this smallmouth bass on shore right in front of camp.

I caught this smallie but let my brother "pose" with her so he could get'er back in the water. Bass season isn't open yet. Jas is a stickler when it comes to fishing conservation.

Who ordered snow for my fishing trip?

Snow? On my annual fishing trip? In May? Irreprehensible. Got back yesterday after a week in Lake Tomahawk on the Rainbow Flowage. Worst trip for fishing in 20+ years. The rest of the trip went off without a hitch. More pics to follow.

Didn't have my camera with me on the way into town for breakfast. Looked like something right out of a Currier & Ives painting. A winter wonderland. 5 inches or so. This is what it looked like on the way back to camp - the snow melted quickly.

TGIF! presents..."Robin Hood" featurette!

Opens today. As an avid archer, I WILL see this movie.

So it is: yet let us sing,
Honour to the old bow-string!
Honour to the bugle-horn!
Honour to the woods unshorn!
Honour to the Lincoln green!
Honour to the archer keen!
Honour to tight little John,
And the horse he rode upon!
Honour to bold Robin Hood,
Sleeping in the underwood!
Honour to maid Marian,
And to all the Sherwood-clan!
Though their days have hurried by
Let us two a burden try.

- excerpt from "Robin Hood. To a Friend" (1820), by John Keats

Adolpho Birch. Assfuck of the week.

Adolpho Birch, NFL vice president for law and labor policy.

I love reading this shit right before I take off to go fishing for a week. Regarding the Williams' dudes from the Minnesota Vikings and their ongoing hassle with the NFL - read the full story here. In a nutshell the Pat and Kevin Williams may have to serve a 4-game suspension at the start of the 2010-11 NFL football season. Not for sure though - they are appealing the judge's decision. It's bullshit.

Get this. As stated on The Daily Norseman, in his ruling yesterday, Judge Gary Larson determined:

...that NFL drug policy administrators knew of positive tests among players for Bumetanide in 2005 and 2006 and linked the substance to StarCaps. Larson found that Adolpho Birch, NFL vice president for law and labor policy, had been warned by NFL drug policy administrators that StarCaps contained a "secret" banned substance, Bumetanide.

But Birch made a "conscious decision" not to inform the federal Food and Drug Administration or any other agency. He also declined to disclose the presence of the substance to teams or players, Larson said.

Before 2007, players who tested positive for Bumetanide weren't disciplined. Birch, however, then directed drug administrators to start disciplining players who tested positive for Bumetanide even though he knew their use of it was inadvertent, Larson wrote.

"Birch was playing a game of gotcha," the judge said.
Let me put it in terms that non-football enthusiasts can appreciate. You work at Microsoft, let's say. Have been for 5 years. You pack your own lunch. Every day. You're an avid baker and you like to make molasses cookies - and you include 3 molasses cookies in your lunch. The company does drug testing. You're called into HR one day. "We have to write up a formal complaint on you, Mr. Ircink. You tested positive for a banned substance." "What!?" I yell. "That can't be!" "Mr. Ircink, you eat molasses cookies, don't you?" "Yes I do." "Well, Mr. Ircink, there's a substance in the ground ginger you use to put in your cookie that's illegal. It's on our illegal substance list." "But no one ever said anything to me about it. I didn't know." "We never made a big deal about it before but we're changing things up here. You're suspended from work for a week with no pay."

Oh yeah - and Microsoft KNEW for 5 years that the ginger in my molasses cookies contained a banned substance but refrained from telling me. Get it? And don't tell me it's not the same thing. Read what the judge said in his ruling.

TGIF! presents..."Gone Fishin' " with Bing & Satchmo.

I'm outta here. Gone fishin' for a week up at the Rainbow Flowage in Lake Tomahawk, WI. See ya...

Time to Get Alone.

Smokin'. Drinkin'. Cards. Horsehoes. Campfires. Golf. Full breakfast. Grillin' out. Sunny days. Windy days. Some warm. Some cold. Fishin' with worms. Fishin' with minnows. Walleye, crappie, bass, perch, bluegill, bullhead. Some keepers. Lots a little ones. Long walks. A restful sleep. Time to think.

Me. Dad. Jas. Uncle Fran. Gary. Dave H. and Bruce H. Just men. Family and friends. Family, really. See you in a week.

Long jump.

Count steps. Approach and accelerate. Hit mark. Upward and outward momentum. Extend arms and keep legs forward. Land forward.

Long jumping at the Waterford Club Invitational yesterday (W-Club Invite).

Times Square bomber. Makes you wonder about profiling...

Motherfucker.

Jim Rome has become passé.

I'm ambivalent toward sports broadcaster, Jim Rome. No. I'm tired of Jim Rome. I appreciate it when he talks favorably about Brett Favre, but the long and short of it is I wouldn't miss him if he disappeared off television and off the radio airwaves.

I don't have a problem with Rome's television show because he only has a half-hour and he's forced to be succinct. My beef is with Rome's radio show because he repeats the same phrases over and over and over again and belabors every point he makes ad nauseum. Seriously. Every point he makes he just doesn't make once - he makes it 3, 4 or 5 times.

If you don't believe me, listen to a segment of Rome's radio show on "Softball Guy". Blah, blah, blah. Make your fucking point and shut the fuck up. Also, check out Frank Caliendo's impersonation of Rome on Fox NFL.

But make sure you watch this classic which illustrates how much of a dick Rome can be - Rome interviewing former NFL QB, Jim Everett.

If Annie Oakely wrote a Match.com ad.

This dating site popped up on my laptop suddenly, featuring this woman's profile. I read through it (the woman was 36 but looked 46 and 100% not my type). I immediately thought of Annie Oakley and said to myself, "if Annie Oakley were on Match.com (for example) THIS is what she'd write". Word for word, this is what a woman from Cumberland (northwest part of the state, nearer the MN border), Wisconsin wrote:

I AM 5FT, BLUE EYES, AUBURN HAIR, 140LBS., AND A DOUBLE D CHEST. LOVE OUTDOORS AND TO HAVE FUN. I LIKE TRUCK PULLS, MUD BOGGING, ATVING, CASINOS, FISHING, GOLFING, BOWLING AND STUFF LIKE THAT. I WAS A TRUCK DRIVER AND EVERYONE TELLS ME THAT IS WHERE I BELONG CUZ THAT IS WHERE I AM HAPPY. WANT A GOOD MAN TO SHARE MY LIFE AND FUN. I HATE LIARS, CHEATERS, AND THIEVES. I JUST GOT RID OF A BOTTOM FEEDER LIKE THAT AND WILL NOT PUT UP WITH ANOTHER ONE. I AM VERY HONEST AND OUTSPOKEN ALSO. WANT TO KNOW MORE JUST ASK.

Looking for: LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN WITH A NICE PACKAGE AND KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN.
For those of you who don't know, Annie Oakley was an American sharpshooter and exhibition shooter. This led to a starring role in Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, which propelled her to become the first American female superstar. This year is her 150th birthday. Incidentally, Oakley was 5 foot, had brown hair and, though her eye color is not known, one "expert" thinks they may have been blue, as Annie was a Quaker (whatever that means).

And Oakley was much prettier than the woman from Cumberland, Wisconsin.

Dykstra in delirium.

Lenny (above) in his "prime". This guy wants you to pay him for his financial advice.

Or an extra-special "Separated at Birth".

According to The Shepherd Express, former baseballer Lenny Dykstra is now accepting clients for his investment advice - at $999 per year. In a Wall Street Journal report, Dykstra states that he is "not a registered financial adviser...his proven track record has caught the attention of many".

Really? Watch this preview of a The World According to Lenny. If you take any advice from this guy, you're whacked.

Lenny (above) today. He's only 1 1/2 years older than me and he looks like he's in his late 50's.

Dykstra filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in July 2009 to allude more than 20 lawsuits brought against him for his financial and other entrepreneurial ventures that went sour. A judge denied Dykstra this request, instead converting the case to Chapter 7 liquidation. He's completely ruined multiple homes (one formerly belonging to Wayne Gretzky), charged with drunk driving, named in the Mitchell Report for using steroids, accused of sexual harrassment, sold his 1986 Mets World Series ring to pay off his $31 million debt (right - help pay off), his wife is suing him for divorce and his mansion is in foreclosure. His brothers have both accused him of fraud. It's even reported he Dykstra defrauded his own mother.

I wouldn't give this guy a penny for his thoughts. Oh...I forgot. I have include Dykstra in a "Separated at Birth" blog post...

Epitome of stupidity = WI Governor Doyle and WI legislature.

Back in March 2009, I blogged about Wisconsin raising cigarette taxes and its efforts to ban smoking within indoor facilities. Since then, the Wisconsin legislature has passed the smoking ban, which will take effect on July 5 of this year.

But will it? According to the April 29 edition of The Shepherd Express, Milwaukee's alternative newspaper, there might be a slight loophole - actually two loopholes. One loophole was fixed last week but one apparently still remains.

After the correction (according to the bill), The Shepherd Express states:

...if there are two or more walls with windows that cover more than one quarter of the wall's surface, and those windows are open, then smokers are free to light up.
Thanks, Wisconsin legislature. I still think the bill is bullshit. I don't understand how the government can tell the owner of any establishment how to run his or her business. If non-smokers don't like the smoke, go somewhere else. There are probably plenty of non-smoking business owners who have smoke-free establishments. If employees are bothered by the smoke, work someplace else. Can I come into your home and tell you what to do?

Separated at Birth? Jonathan Rhys Meyers & Robbie Williams.

Sorta.

Actor Rhys Meyers (top) and singer Williams. They're both Celts - Meyers is Irish and Williams is a Brit. And Meyers has sung in two films - Velvet Goldmine and August Rush and is a self-taught singer and guitarist.

Go with it.

"Electromagnetic pulse". The bain of our existence?

According to one expert, if a nuclear bomb exploded in the atmosphere, the EMP(electromagnetic pulse) that would be generated by the blast would fry the microchips at the heart of all electronics in North America, sending the U.S. back to the 1800's. The military has a safeguard for this. The civilian population does not.

Read it. I mean - what are the odds? Course, you never know. It's interesting.

Mike Gempler & Corporate America = 1/3 of the immigration clusterfuck.

Mike Gempler is the Executive Director of the Washington Growers League and he's seen here at the May Day immigration rally in Washington D.C. today. Fast-forward to the :39 mark. Gempler readily admits that 70% of the agriculture workers are illegal. OK - we all knew that. But Gempler very nonchalantly states this on video. In 1928, Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis strongly defended the individual right to privacy from government intrusion in his dissenting opinion in Olmstead vs. United States:

If the government becomes a law breaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy. To declare that in the administration of the criminal law the end justifies the means 'to declare that the government may commit crimes in order to secure the conviction of a private criminal' would bring terrible retribution.
Illegal immigrants are breaking the law. The corporations (including Mike here) are breaking the law. And our federal government is breaking the law. How long will Washington continue to put off immigration reformation? I predict we have no immigration reform by the end of 2011. I tip my hat to the state of Arizona for stepping up and passing immigration reform of its own (whether it stays law or not).

And Gempler should be arrested for aiding and abetting criminals.

Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel sports writers moonlighting as doctors.

Saturday, May 1, 2010
UP/DOWN

DOWN - Joint venture: A bad ankle and his disdain for surgery are keeping Brett Favre from committing to playing for the Vikings this season. Big, bad James Andrews, orthopedist to the pros, seems to scare him (Favre) more than blitzing linebackers.
- Paul Drzewiecki

I didn't know you had a medical degree, Paul. May come in handy when the MJS decides to cut more jobs.

Grecian 5 sucks.

I usually use Just for Men but this shit was on sale. Big mistake.

I don't have a ton of gray - just in my beard. Problem is that with the unique beard I have (a Klingap), if I don't shave the rest of my face, the gray blends in and you can't see my beard.

I have three issues with Grecian 5: a) once you pop the cap on one of the applicators, there's no way to cover that bottle, b) the directions say that any mix left over can be reused but there's no where to store it, and c) it didn't work. I left it on for an inordinate amount of time and nothing. When I tried to use the leftover stuff - same result. Nothing.

I will be calling 1-800-431-2610 to get a refund.

(See that picture of the dude in the beard toward the bottom? Its say, "For Beards and Moustaches, Too." Now perhap this is an advertisement for a different product; however, it is positioned as though this product will work for beards and moustaches as well. Deceptive advertising, if that's the case.)

May Day, Schmay Day.

May Day (the 1st day of May) signifies a day where various labor celebrations are conducted throughout the world. In recent times, it's been used in the U.S. to protest the treatment of illegal aliens. More often then not, marches center on the plight of illegals from Mexico and other Spanish-speaking countries. The picture above was taken today in Washington D.C.

Look at the girl holding the poster that states, "My dreams are not illegal". She's right. "Dreams" are not illegal - but an illegal alien in the U.S. dreaming is illegal. The phrasing on her sign would seem to indicate that SHE herself is an illegal alien.

Idiots. Another example of how our government has shied away from dealing with this issue. If I were a cop, I'd question her to see if she is an illegal alien and to see if she's got the legal papers that give her the right to be in this country. But the cops won't. Pathetic.