Ode to Christmas...by Chuck Kramer

NPR's been playing this for 20 years. Kramer changes it from time to time to reflect the pop culture of that particular season.

Lord …and Taylor. Anne Taylor. Anne Klein, Calvin Klein, Cuisinart, Wal-Mart, cotton-polyester, budget stretcher, store-wide, half-off, all sales final, simulated wood-grain vinyl. 12 months interest-free, HD, 3D, 4G, Blue-Ray, Bluetooth, LCD, LED, WiFi, hot-spot, buy a Kindle, or a Nook. Nintendo, Guitar Hero, waterproof, oven-proof, shockproof, 90-proof, down the hatch, dollar-a-batch, doesn’t match, helter-skelter, Alka-Seltzer. Amazon, BestBuy, eBay, Abercrombie, shopping zombie, UPS, CVS, JVC, DVD, GE, GI Joe, Axe, Fax, TJ Maxx, Timex, FedEx, AmEx, Gortex, X-Box, Reeboks, Ink-Jet, Polartec, J Crew, Jean Nate, Cachet, Faberge, Gourmet, Old Spice, LL Bean, I-Pad, I-Pod, I-Zod, Egad! Polo, Play-Doh, Lego, Tickle Me Elmo, Casio, Hasbro, Tyco, Tonka, Barbie, Dolby, Duracell, Eveready, rechargeable, returnable, recordable, portable, digital, trivial pursuit. London Fog, Canadian Club, Scotch Tape, Irish Mist, English Leather, Russian Vodka, Stolichnaya, Sterling Silver, Lady Schick, sure-stick, non-stick, Water-Pik, Shreve, Crump, Low watt, crock, pot. Cotton Dockers? Guess. One Day Sale, Buy Two, Three-speed, Four-slice, Saks Fifth Ave, Windows 7, Nine-volt, Ten-speed, 12-cup, Building 19, 1-800, kilo, mega, giga, tera, byte, white sale, infra-red, Walgreens, Black Friday. Black and Decker, Spelling checker, What the heck, Deck the halls with Hitachi, Mitsubishi, Sansui, Fuji, Sony, Seiko, Samsung, Panasonic, instant classic, automatic, anti-static, alkaline, online, nine to nine, Calvin Klein, Anne Klein, Anne & Hope, Anne Taylor, Lord & Taylor. Good Lord. What have we done to Christmas?