This was written by my good friend, Todd Zimmermann, in 1987. Todd was in his last semester of college and I had just graduated in June. I think I was visiting him in the summer - maybe it was the fall. Anyway. we got hammered at his house then hit the bars. But before we went out, I puked my guts out. Not just any normal, random, college puking. It was like - you know those old lawn sprinklers that go "dddddddddddddddddddddd" in one direction then scoot back really quick and start all over again? That's how I puked in Todd's bathroom. At about the 3 1/2 foot level on the wall...all four walls of the bathroom.
Then we all went downtown and I said nothing (got my 2nd wind back after I upchucked - you know how that is) 'cause I didn't wanna spoil the evening. When we got home after bar time, no one noticed. I think someone may have said something like, "what smells?", but we were too drunk to investigate the stench and we passed out.
Until the next morning - that's when Todd found my offering to the porcelain gods. He penned this ode to me pretty much on the spot, I believe (he may have done it while cleaning the bathroom - I think he cleaned the bathroom; I know I didn't...or did I?) and recites it by heart every time he sees me. I just talked to him on the phone today (he lives in Chicago but was in Minneapolis). And he recited it to me.
I think it's helped prolong my 15 minutes of fame. You be the judge:
"Ode to Jeff Ircink", by Todd Zimmermann
If you wonder why it stinks
It's from my friend....Jeff Ircink
He threw up here on Friday Night
And it was not a pretty sight.
He tried to scrub to rinse to wipe
It didn't work, and now I'm griped
So go outside, puke on the lawn
We won't see it until dawn
As for now it still does stink
And I'm pissed off at Jeff Ircink
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