Self-Portrait

(c) Copyright Jeffrey James Ircink

Sometimes I wish I could walk around like this.

My eye injury three years ago has affected me in various ways - physically, emotionally; I'm angry, sad, vengeful, wondering why this happened to me, etc. The left eye is glazed over with a faint yellowish-tan color, totally covering up my pupil and brown iris. It's because of this that I haven't acted. It's because of this that I don't date. The self-confidence I had as an actor - and in just my normal, everyday life - is not what it was. Now and then I glance at a picture of me when I was 3 1/2 - my favorite portrait as a child - and I say to myself, 'where has that handsome, little boy - the eldest son of Jim and Dee - gone to?', 'where has that boy with the beautiful brown eyes gone to?'. He's gone. He is gone.

Those who know me say it's not as bad as I make it out to be - that the color of my eye is different, and yeh, I can understand their point, at times. But the fact remains that it's there. I know it's there. My face - dammit, I moved to Hollywood and gave up everything to be an actor - at the very least a somewhat, above average-looking character actor or 3rd fiddle. My family and friends accept me for who I am, yes. But when I meet someone for the first time, someone who will formulate their first impression of me in less than five minutes, the same questions roll around in my head, 'what is this person thinking?', 'do they notice my eye?', 'do they think I'm ugly?'. I want people to judge me not for the way I look but for who I am inside - with the same sense of humor, ideas, emotions, desires, same personality traits - positive and negative.

On top of all that I couldn't see dick for a year and a half because of a cataract in my good eye (what more can God possibly throw at me?). The cataract was removed in March and I'm seeing 20/15 (that's better than 20/20). I've also seen a positive change in my demeanor, as have some of my friends. I have a certain "step" in my gait and a smile on my face...a ways to go, but baby steps still. I'm tired of being bitter and angry, so this is a huge breakthrough for me and I am thankful. In two weeks I have a consultation with a prominent cosmetic eye doctor in LA who will assess my needs and custom fit me with a soft lens that will exactly match my other eye. I pray this helps me get to a place I need to be. A sense of normalcy in my life after all this pain would be nice.

Strawberry Fields Forever

(c) Copyright Jeffrey James Ircink

The park, Strawberry Fields, was dedicated by John Lennon's wife, Yoko, and is situated around the 70th block of the Upper West Side of Central Park in New York. There's always some sort of adornment around this centerpiece - these flowers look particularly nice.

More Cool Pictures from May Trip

(c) Copyright Jeffrey James Ircink

Here's a collection of some of the creme de la creme pictures from my recent trip. I'll be adding to this post periodically. Enjoy. This first one is of St. Hedwig's, near downtown Milwaukee, in the wee hours of the morning.

My friend Janis and I spent an evening out in Milwaukee - here we are the Safe House, a Milwaukee institution since around 1966. The motif and theme of the bar is a "hideout" for CIA agents and intelligence operatives - the inside is covered with James Bond and Cold War stuff, spy gadgets, hidden nooks and crannies to have a drink with a "special" friend, the worldest largest wall puzzle, secret entrance and exit (you have to know the "password" to get in or you're forced to embarass yourself on a hidden camera for the patrons inside). My best friend Tom's bachelor party was here - they have a "throne" in the basement that rises up to the first floor. If you go to Milwaukee, the Safe House is a must. The story behind Janis and I is a must as well - but I'll save that for another time.

Uncle Bob and Aunt Ev - my dad's youngest sister. 5 children and look at'm! Lots of fun. Half my Uncle Bob's family live in WI and MN and the other half live in the Santa Barbara area of California. U. Bob has 4 other brothers and three sisters - and we ALL party. That's why we go up to SB so much. The Nowak's are great people.

Happy Birthday, Frank! Frank turned 70 Memorial Day weekend and he had a party while I was in town. He lives on a 10 acre "estate" in East Troy, complete with endangered sika red deer (from Vietnam) and errant skydivers. He and my dad grew up on Beaver Court in Greendale. Dad turns 70 in July and I love it when they get together and talk about "the good ole days" in Greendale...like talking to two 10-year-olds. Frank's a great guy - and alot of fun. Let me know if you want the words to that Cat in the Hat framed picture - it's funny.

That's my Aunt Ruth, my dad's middle sister. She's a doctor and dean of nursing at Cardinal Stritch College in Milwaukee. She's fun - all my family are fun. I PROMISE if you met them, you'd wanna come back for another visit.

Did I mention the Ircink's are fun? I must really like that new tee shirt I'm wearing as it's the third picture I've worn it in. Huh.

The Rainbow Flowage in Lake Tomahawk, Wisconsin. It's quite a ways Up North, about an hour south of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We've been walleye fishing here every May for some 20 odd years. It's a family affair - close friends and three sets of brothers. The Wisconsin River runs through the middle of the flowage. A flowage means it was man-made, way back when. We love it up there.

Here's a view from Dave's property. Lots of memories and good times. Thanks, Dave, for letting us be a part of it all.

Plum Lake Golf Course. This building dates back to 1922. We golfed here one day - I shot a 62 for 9 which ain't bad for golfing once a year. There's a beautiful screened in porch that overlooks the lake. We partook in a couple of Spotted Cows - an award-winning brew from Mount Horeb, WI, near Madison. Uncle Fran recommended the beverage. Two of them and I was seeing double.

(c) Copyright Jeffrey James Ircink

A scenic vista - moss on rocks.

Another bar. Part of the picture didn't come out right - not sure why. But I had to include ONE pix of ME in the group. Jas picked this place after golf as he remembered a cute waitress that worked there. He was right.

The cute waitress.

Gary, my Uncle Fran and Dave. Childhood friends...and fisherman.

Mmmmm...walleye and perch! Walleye has to be the best tasting lake fish period. If you've never had it, you truly are missing out on a delicacy. If you can find it in the store or a restaurant, it's very expensive.

Dave at twilight. Dave owns the property where we fish and has been a childhood friend of my Uncle Fran's (my dad's youngest brother who also goes fishing with us) since - childhood.

There's Bruce - on the right. He's Dave's younger brother. My dad's in there to. Brats and burgers. What...you think we EAT fish up there, too?

My brother, Jason, fishing near the dam in Lake Tomahawk, WI.

Mom and Dad. A very nice picture of the two of them.

I'm Ba-a-ack!

Returned home last night from a wonderful three-week vacation in New York City, Milwaukee, Lake Tomahawk and Chicago and have much to share but am still catching my breath. And I have a ton of pictures to figure out how to load onto a computer. Stay tuned.

I leave tomorrow for New York City and my Wisconsin walleye fishing trip and I am getting very excited. I'm always excited about the fishing - but I've never been to NYC. How much of the city can one see in three full days? Partial list to include: Strawberry Fields, Guggenheim (or "iem" - who cares). Molly Malones (famous old Irish bar in Manhattan), a show on Broadway, Ground 0, the Irish neighborhoods in Queens and Yonkers - lots of stuff. The above picture is the Manhattan Theatre Source - a 160-year-old brownstone in the East Village where Stan's Addiction will be read. That's the downstairs - coffee shop, bookstore - the rehearsal hall and theater is upstairs.